| you are worth more than the part who left you to be free. |
[Oct. 26th, 2009||08:32 pm] |
| [ | i feel really |
| |  worried | ] |
| [ | i'm listening to |
| | If today was your last day - nickelback | ] |
cus he sees you stronger than he left you with, he's feeling sour.
no, never fall for it.
never be patient or forgiving to those who set you free.
cus you are free and flying, so what is there to be guilty for doing/not doing?
there's nobody you should account to.
there's nobody you should feel sorry for.
there's nobody you should care about.
but cus they are nobody, you feel upset.
just leave him be.
you can only find happiness within yourself.
you can't find happiness from someone, cus it doesn't belong.
free those memories darling, just let it free.
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|
|
| Birthday partyyyyyy. |
[Oct. 15th, 2009||02:48 am] |
| [ | i feel really |
| |  full | ] |
Well the birthday party was a success despite on how rushed things were.
I bought my boyfriend's birthday present the day we were celebrating it. HAHAHA. I'm such an idiot.
but hey, I (am going to spend) have spent all my money buying birthday presents this month so I HAD TO CONSIDER VERY LONG OF WHAT TO BUY LOR. :\
I reached the place about 5.30pm.. which was about 2 hours away from the party and I didn't see lucas when i reached the chalet. he was still on the way with eric, eddy and jordan. tsk tsk. can you imagine how impromptu the party was?
it was great nevertheless.. the last minute planned twister/lucky draw/secret number games.
I don't know how long it will take for the photos to be uploaded cus mr lucas ng is the owner of the camera AND...
he hasn't uploaded any of the photos we took since august. so you can imagine... how long...................................... yea.
anyway, besides blabbering about how great the occasion went on his part, I shall say my part of the story.
:) IT WAS AWESOME~
1. I have been 'accepted again' by his family after that incident in his house with his dad.
you see, I tried to shun him for the 1 month after the incident but since i am still with lucas, it's impossible to never talk to his dad cus, he IS lucas's dad afterall. besides i have to admit i was too damned violent/impulsive/harsh by being angered over a past conversation (which i still am bothered about but have-learnt-to-take-a-new-approach-to-such-things).
his dad cooked for us. it was a fish patty burger with lettuce, tomato and egg. his dad fried the patties and egg and buttered the buns for us before going for his game of golf. hmm... but i had to wash my plate myself and lucas's mom washed his plate. UNFAIR TREATMENT. lol.
2. His mom and brother asked me to take the family photo with them. felt pretty great i must say.
i never saw myself as a 'family' member (duh, i'm not married to him, NO.) cus they never asked me to their family dinners even though they had it. :( i feel so upset you know! like they know we're together but never invited me?
3. His brother talked to me a lot and we played wii, JUST THE 2 OF US (sounds awkward hor? i felt so too cus we never talked much ever, just casual hi/bye).
4. His best friend shermund talked to me too and accompanied me at the chalet while lucas was having his drinking session and getting high-.- bloody idiot. (cus i'm super anti-social when i'm with his friends. so they have this picture in their heads that i'm like a sibei jialat girlfriend who's over-sensitive and damn controlling... which i don't quite deny. lol!)
5. I had great fun playing rockband with his schoolmates!!! One of them said "whoa, you only started playing 2 days ago right? whoa, you quite good ah.."
6. I finally stepped out, talked to and got to know his friends... for the first time in my 1 year 7 month and 25days of being with him.
I think i should stop hiding myself in my circle of friends and learn to adapt to different faces. This is probably the main reason for me being afraid of the adult world. where people's faces don't match their characters and i have to decipher and think by myself. it's scary really, cus i feel that it's great being here with you girls at comfort zone. no worries of being chastised or mocked.
well, everyone's gonna turn 21 this month. my time's coming...
and i'm not prepared. i feel like staying 20 forever though i know it's never gonna happen. dang, peter-pan syndrome acting up again. :\
SIGHS.
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|
|
| what you were.. |
[Sep. 28th, 2009||05:33 pm] |
| [ | i feel really |
| |  pessimistic | ] |
is what i thought you are.
but i am proven wrong.
and it's almost impossible for anyone to even realise that
we all put on a different mask infront of different people unconciously.
i want to live it the way tv dramas put it to be.
but i know we all live in cold hard reality and it's never gonna change.
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|
|
| Alright but not so alright. |
[Sep. 10th, 2009||08:52 pm] |
| [ | i'm being spotted |
| | home sweet home | ] |
| [ | i feel really |
| |  sore | ] |
| [ | i'm listening to |
| | Say it's possible - Terranaomi | ] |
I SEE THE LIGHTS ARE TURNING
AND I LOOK OUTSIDE THE STARS ARE BURNING
THROUGH THIS CHANGING TIME
IT COULD HAVE BEEN ANYTHING WE WANT
IT'S FINE SALVATION WAS JUST A PASSING THOUGHT.
DON'T WAIT ACT NOW
THIS AMAZING OFFER WON'T LAST LONG
IT'S ONLY A CHANCE TO SAVE THE PATH WE'RE ON
I KNOW THERE ARE MORE EXCITING THINGS TO TALK ABOUT
AND IN TIME WE'LL SORT IT OUT
(chorus)
AND THOUGH THEY SAY IT'S POSSIBLE TO ME
I DON'T SEE HOW IT'S PROBABLE
I SEE THE COURSE WE'RE ON
SPINNING FARTHER FROM WHAT I KNOW
I'LL HOLD ON
TELL ME THAT YOU WON'T LET GO
TELL ME THAT YOU WON'T LET GO
AND TRUTH IS SUCH A FUNNY THING
WITH ALL THESE PEOPLE
KEEP ON TELLING ME
THEY KNOW WHAT'S BEST
AND WHAT TO BE FRIGHTENED OF
AND ALL THE REST ARE WRONG
THEY KNOW NOTHING ABOUT US
(chorus)
I'M NOT ALRIGHT...
(chorus x2)
THIS COULD BE SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL
COMBINE OUR LOVE INTO SOMETHING WONDERFUL
BUT TIMES ARE TOUGH I KNOW
AND THE PULL OF WHAT WE CAN'T GIVE UP TAKES HOLD
- - - - -
Well, apparently this song makes a lot of sense to me now.
Just that when i was listening to it 2-3 years back, i didn't quite catch it.. Oh well.
sighs. I am hungry and sick and there's nobody but myself! I'm having heaty, full-of-phlegm cough now. :( GREAT. I'll just stick to this until I settle for a REAL job and then lead my own feminist workaholic life. Then I'd probably vanish from a lot of people's life. Taduh! Oh, and by then i'd probably be able to drive so i can travel around by myself! YAY! AWESOME!
Aiyo, I don't know what to talk about.. my life hasn't been very exciting except that the weekend was spent at other people's houses playing the game that sparked the quarrel in my rls. Hmmm. Not so healthy is it? :\
btw, i'm not devasted yet, just a slight emptiness in my heart.
I'm such a cold cold lover, i know i know.. but i think that's something everyone would've known by now isn't it?
Whether or not i'm worth it to have his pride be put away and be the one to approach first.. we'll see.
It's the 12th-day-and-counting that we haven't contacted. :)
good luck to us. i'll always be waiting..
but if i do fall for someone else, it's not that i have put our love away.
it's just that both our egos are stronger than our love so it may fade one day.
i don't want to be reading the same chapter with memories of the past that will haunt me.
i'm waiting for tomorrow.
i'll just sit by my phone and wait until i really give up giving you a chance to give me a call.
i'd give MYSELF a new phone, a new number and a new start.
cruel and heartless it may sound but that is what you do to protect yourself.
your heart is like a door.
you have the key to it and when you fall in love, you give him the key to your heart.
and when it happens, he can go in anytime he wants, messes with it or even rips it apart, shuts it, throws the key away and never come back again.
what will you do?
i choose for him to return the key before he rips it. he already messed it up but at this point i can still tidy it.
so to prevent it from further demolition, i'd shut it and lock it away.
i read/saw the quote from somewhere, i forgot where i got it from though so.. yea.
and really, having dogs just make your days not-so-lonely. you know why?
YOU HAVE TO FEED IT, CLEAN ITS POOP AND PEE, SCOLD IT WHEN IT BARKS, LAUGH WHEN IT SUDDENLY KICKS THE SHOEBOXES WHILE SLEEPING and GET GROSSED OUT CUS HE JUST PEED, HIS PAWS ARE WET AND HE IS STEPPING ON YOUR LEG.
!#$%@!#$!#^!#
there's no mountain in life that i will not be able to conquer. i will live until i need to die.
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|
|
| -.- |
[Sep. 2nd, 2008||02:29 am] |
| [ | i feel really |
| |  annoyed | ] |
pissed.
as simple as that. said enough. |
|
|
| bitchfit. |
[Jul. 30th, 2008||02:55 am] |
| [ | i'm being spotted |
| | under the carpet! | ] |
| [ | i'm listening to |
| | Secondhand Serenade - It's not over | ] |
for those who've been feeling sore, cheer up. (: that means zhian and cath!
i don't know what's the feeling of being so dejected with the people you love so much so badly yet.. so there's not a lot i can do to console or advise anyone. my time will come one day. but i guess for now, whatever that comes your way, just gotta brush it off and put up with it.
sometimes people just ignore what lies with them, i guess whatever they've done before doesn't matter anymore. people don't care, people give up, people stop loving. but if you ever do love someone wholeheartedly, you never never ever give up on them.
and so if that's true, it means those people who gave up on me never really loved me. if you care, you never stop trying. if you don't, you give up ( attempted to, frustrating. ) .
sometimes i just can't kick the habit. old habits die hard. i've been trying hard to keep up with it, but it seems that i'm still just me. have i not done enough because i already feel like i've been a slave to the life i've been leading. and what have i not done to make myself a nicer person?
if someone else had it, why can't i be approved of such a privilege too? am i not good enough for it? is it because i don't deserve it? is it because they don't love me enough? i just feel that even though i haven't worked hard enough, i do want to feel something good at the end of day too. it's just human.
people will never try harder than before because you know nothing will happen. and if everyone thinks so, wouldn't there be no determined people? so if everyone thought that way, there wouldn't be hope in life, faith in love and trust in friendships. it's just... i don't know how much is ever enough.
sighs. life is tough. everyone wants something out of nothingness. hell.
"Many a person has held close, throughout their entire lives, two friends that always remained strange to one another because one of them attracted by virtue of similarity, the other by difference."
oh well. i shall just wallow in self pity and cry myself to sleep.
and sometimes i'm so vexed with myself. what have i done.
oh thy singlehood, i miss you.
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| bloggggg! |
[Jul. 2nd, 2008||02:22 pm] |
| [ | i feel really |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | i'm listening to |
| | hot chocolate - you sexy thing | ] |
lynnfu.blogspot.com! i've got the blog back to working conditions..
will blog there but when i have more personal issues. i'll say it here. :D
cuz only you girls know this site.. :]
life is beautiful.
i love mom and dad.
and i especially love my da jie.
love my new niece jazelle. hur.
LOVE YOU GIRLS A LOT!
mwarks. |
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|
| update. |
[Jun. 26th, 2008||02:43 pm] |
| [ | i'm listening to |
| | grr grr grr - the fan | ] |
i'm sorry for being so blind.
some people try so hard yet i never gave them my attention.
and some whom i try so hard but they never gave me any attention.
i'm going to put whatever's past behind and enjoy living with what i have today.
AND AND.. anny, SURE I CAN GO TO THE MOVIE ON MONDAY. WHY NOT!!
I JUST CANT REPLY CUZ MY BILL'S BUSTED.
havent paid in months and they "FINALLY" cut me off.. -.-
now i have to pay for the twenty over reconnection. holy banana. not like im not poor enough.
exams are finally over. but im still brooding over it. bugging me. dont ask me bout it, dont wanna talk bout it.
it's the same ppl who has been trying so hard, and the same ones completely ignorant.
i'm sorry cath and anny.
so many pple that i've put off to crazily devote my time to someone that i can meet everyday. :l
maybe i need to get a hold of myself. haven't even considered the future where he'd be away from for almost 2 years.
okay, got to put everything else aside and set time for bffs.
got to set time aside for outings with people who has been asking me out the past 2 weeks.
I HAVE TO HAVE A TIME TABLE.
crap.
sunday 7am - reach suntec for event
monday 24hours - get smart movie with cath and anny in town.
HMM. okay, time to save money. if not..
not only i have to starve, lucas has too.
bills to pay first. then movie. then food. then games. :l
HAHAHA. DIEEEEEEEEEE LUH. |
|
|
| dumb nuts |
[May. 16th, 2008||06:14 am] |
| [ | i feel really |
| | cranky | ] |
not a call in 2 days
not a message of someone in need
just give it 4 more days
and things will go bust like my previous one
as i am known, im impulsive and bloody stubborn like a bull.
cant help it. |
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|
| up and down, merry go round. |
[May. 9th, 2008||07:10 pm] |
| [ | i feel really |
| |  crazy | ] |
well, sorry for my lack of originality.
i have a lot to say but my mind's really blank.
and it's like the only person who'd read this is the person who wrote the things in my previous entry.
and since you're the only one reading, and i'm feeling how you're feeling and how is it for us to comfort each other?
haha.
hopeless.
now that i've thought of what to say, it's really harsh, that's how i write things.
unlike the previous post which isn't harsh at all.
i realise i say things in the mean way, so if you become offended, get the fuck out of here.
i never invited you to stay.
judging from the past month, it's really been bland.
talk about romantic korean dramas on tv..
if ever one day, reality lets me meet someone
who'd do things that they show on tv, i must say, well, this guy really watches more tv dramas than i do.
because no man will ever know a woman's thoughts so well that he'd be able to satisfy her.
and if undeserving people like me are being disappointed all the time..
i may just put a stop to getting married.
because if i can't even stay with someone for 6 months, what more 6 years?
and talk about being married to someone for 60 years? right?
i'd just stay a spinster or a single mum.
i'd be much stronger, less reliant, more independant and definitely more confident..
which will appeal to more men which later on in life they would be interested to take care of me.
and because i'm not married, MUCH MORE men would lay their lives down just to be with me. no?
call me selfish, but i'm sure there are men who thinks like this too..
and because i have been *'too single', i have a lot of ugly thoughts.
i prefer to dominate the male species because i don't see why they should be the dominant one.
they cannot do what a girl wants but they make girls do what they want.
*too single - single for too long
like that idiot Fritzl from don't know where who planned and trapped his daughter in a dungeon and raped her, got her pregnant with 7 kids in 24years.
things a man can do just to satisfy himself.
*too single - single for too long
undeserving women.
females don't deserve to be treated like that.
undeserving men.
males don't deserve females.
none of them are worthy.
women can stay single and not have sex, can men?
so you're angry now? there, i never invited you.
(whoever who happens to be male and happens to trip here, byebye, shoo.)
and there, i've said my piece. yes i'm an angry bitch.
and if i sound like i'm a 40 year old hag that's been cheated of her feelings, i'm sorry.
i'm only 19 going on 20, screwed up and losing hope (not in life but in males). |
|
|
| COPY AND PASTE. |
[May. 9th, 2008||04:57 am] |
| [ | i feel really |
| |  pensive | ] |
DEAR 'DIARY',
I know that this year started off great. I had it all under control, i had friends, family, money, everything.
He was giving me attention and treating me like im special, different from the other girls he know. Yes, i used to get that.
I don't want this to ever stop. yet something tells me that this could be the end, on my part.
I'm sad to say but as time goes by, no more effort, no more making sure im being heard.
All i know is always hearing him say he loves me, Thats not really what i wanna hear.
I wanna hear him say that he misses me, that he would like to see me now, that he wishes I'm there beside him, that we're not spending enough time together.
Sometimes i wonder why don't i just give up. I'm sure i can find someone who would treat me like how i want to be treated.
(but i tell myself never to quit something that you've started. cus that's what I always USED to do.)
You know what i wish for now? To have someone beside me now for me to lean on, to cry my heart out.
I've decided to forget about it and just settle for nothing instead.
Cus everything I had hoped to happen did not happen while everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong instead.
THE END.
i'm too lazy. and there, everyone else says the things that i wanna say so.. why not just ctrl c, ctrl v.
but the words in brackets are MY thoughts. so i did speak a bit. (THE ALMIGHTY HAS SPOKEN.)
what an abstract piece of mind i have. i should so totally win the next blog awards. LOL. |
|
|
| left and right. |
[Apr. 30th, 2008||12:33 am] |
| [ | i'm being spotted |
| | under my table. | ] |
| [ | i feel really |
| | bouncy | ] |
| [ | i'm listening to |
| | MY FAN - foOoOoo. | ] |
sometimes we just have to go through things the hard way..
but no matter how rough the road is, i will be there to walk it with you.
my life is in between barbwires.
one wrong move and i'm so dead.
school, parents, money.
and once again,
"if i could have all the money in the world
then i would be a perfect girl~"
(well maybe it wouldn't be exactly perfect.. but it'd be better than it is now.)
MATHEMATICS:-
boyfriend(50kg) weighs the same as best friends(150kg).
3 boyfriend = best friend + best friend + best friend
boyfriend = best friend
so even if i do reject outings with friends doesn't mean that i'm going out with someone cooler.
so even if i do not automatically organise a dinner doesn't mean i'd rather be out with my boyfriend.
so even if i do not send a call or reply doesn't mean i don't care what's with you and your life anymore.
THAT'S LYNN FU XUAN LIN. ahem. for you. =\
yes i should be VERY BLOODY ashamed of myself for being like that.
it's just that life is SUCH a chore, and we all should know very well.
maybe i'll try doing things like that for a day, so i can make everyone a happier person.
OKAY LOVES? the best thing that has happened in OUR lives will be for us to have met . =]
reject does not equal to neglect.
so if i've been quite the ass you all have been talking about, i'm sorry luh.. boohoo. it's just SO me to be a bum.
so that's quite what i wanted to say. BUT..
i still want to meet alan, my future best-friend's-boyfriend.
and also shakthi, whom i never got to know since sec 2.
and when's the hardrock for dinner?
zhian's birthday is it?
lucas can be so empty headed. ARGH! dumdum.
but that is why my girlfriends love him. HAHAHAHA. - -ll
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|
| ASS. |
[Apr. 22nd, 2008||05:58 pm] |
| [ | i feel really |
| | frustrated | ] |
TO: ______ (not any of my livejournal friends)..
i have had enough with you.
you can ATTEMPT/ TRY VERY HARD to call me.
[ people like inya calls me for no reasons. ]
search yourself.
goodbye.
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|
| caught up. |
[Apr. 17th, 2008||10:28 pm] |
| [ | i feel really |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | i'm listening to |
| | Brandy - Have you ever | ] |
the last time i met cat & zhian was just a week back..
haven't been online since then..
and when i was i only bothered to rant about my sorrowful life.
now that i read the journals of you girls...
I FEEL SO HAPPY TO FEEL YOUR HAPPINESS!!
the photo of these two classmates of mine..
that photo was priceless.
that is something REALLY impossible to have achieved in the secondary school days.
i could feel her happiness.
and finally it isn't something that she could just talk about.
or it isn't something that she fantasized since god-knows-when..
it happened, and i can feel her happiness from here. HAHA. =D
"Im happy. I guess we both know how we feel for each other."
it's good that she's happy now. hmm.
the past is passé. i'm sure it won't happen again!
you're in good protection with me here. i think. HAHAHA. love molly a lot luh!
still so blur, still always bullied by kitty. still very cute.LOL.
blood is thicker than water.
words said by a parent are usually just in a pique of anger.
haven't told anyone about this in detail but..
i quarrelled with my dad not too long ago about my school and going out too often with lu'ng.
he screamed at me at the top of his voice, wanted to hit me but i defended myself.
raising his voice at me was already shocking enough, wanting to hit me was the unlimited top.
for years since he came back from the U.S(7 years ago), he haven't flared up at me.
it was only last month when it happened.
i got so angry i really had suicidal thoughts (only my parents can make me kill myself cus they are the only people i would die for to prove something).
PARENTS!! always so impulsive and do things that'll hurt us so bad. boo.
my darl, she'll talk to you even if you won't talk to her..
with everyone having at least one happy thing happening in their lives
(and some not-so-happy ones)..
i will not die! hahaha. cus that'll add sadness to our lives what.
(cus i haven't got a son for my sinful incest thoughts since secondary school)
HAHAHA. RIGHT?
i'm happy knowing that she has her long time dream fulfilled.
i'm happy knowing that she is happy with her "7 year" bf (he said so).
i'm happy knowing that she is loved and she loves her love.
and i'm irksome.
i'm actually getting grossed out by my actions.
why i'm such a sadist, a masochist.
no, i don't find pleasure doing so but i'm doing it very often.
i'm crazy.
i'm officially telling everyone who's reading this, I AM CRAZY.
stay away.
i will never let you fall, i'll stand up for you forever.
i'll be there for you through it all, even if saving you sends me to heaven.
(to whoever who reads this) |
|
|
| you got me suicidal. |
[Apr. 16th, 2008||05:08 am] |
| [ | i feel really |
| | sore | ] |
i want to be in mtv jackass team and earn hell loads of money.
and if i died doing crazy stunts, my family would have the money i earned.
then life wouldn't be so difficult for us.
then i wouldn't be so upset everyday.
then mom needn't nag at me anymore.
then lucas can get a pretty girlfriend.
maybe, i should die.
so i can save breaths and anger, tears and sadness.
everyone would be happier.
i should die, right?
i will die.
i will try dying tomorrow, the day after, and the day after the day after tomorrow,
i will try dying everyday.
if it makes us happier.
to me at least. |
|
|
| excuse me |
[Apr. 10th, 2008||03:26 pm] |
| [ | i feel really |
| | anxious | ] |
do i know you?
incredible how time passes. people dont realise that things change.
the way things are, how close we are then were.
time changes people. people change people. and..
like an impeccable king. what wrong would there be?
its ambiguous.
we are friends though, just not very close.
not anymore..
the way i heard it was too much for me to comprehend.
is it impossible to have things go my way?
it was a trivial matter that isn't very much of a matter at all.
not a matter to be discussed to me at least.
but we talked about it, that brain that thinks a big deal of little things.
and i discriminate people who learn OTHER people to have a style that isn't at all theirs.
style fitters don't fit in anywhere. they just don't belong.
and if they had a group, it'll be the "theyhavenogroup" group.
7th April 2OO8.
cafe cartel-ed with anny, kitty and lucy (alphabetical order in case one sense unfairness of any sort). food included seafood platter, caesar salad, spicy seafood spaghetti, st louis honeyed rib, dory fish and prawny plate, mushroom soups, cheesecakes, peach teas and a $5.20 aloha water. HAHAHA. aloha water sounds dam funny. we handed the bill to lucy who 'footed' the bill. enjoyed myself a lot cus we're still very much the same(but anny and kitty's a-whole-dam-lot prettier now), and i ate a lot with no restrictions. =D i am 45kg!!!!!! i've been wanting to weigh 45 since last last year! YAY. no i haven't been starving myself and NO lucy has NEVER starved me. i'm well fed and i'm happy. my mom told me "eat whatever you want even if you're fat. cus you only live once and there's so much good food to eat." wow, okay i'm side-tracking. i love the honeyed ribs btw. LOVED the company. love lucy cus she offered to pay even though she didn't have a lot of cash at the time. HAHA. okay luh, at least i'm willing to go through weals and woes. i pay for my own things sometimes okay. i was spoilt by sf, still learning not to depend too much on boys. =]
cus i still want to buy my own LUXURY CHRYSLER using money that i earned myself. =\ i'll work towards my CHRYSLER. =D
awful but im putting it up anw..
my goal. =] a modified Chrysler 300C(vertical doors!). |
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|
| period. |
[Apr. 4th, 2008||04:08 pm] |
| [ | i'm being spotted |
| | on my sanitary pad | ] |
| [ | i feel really |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | i'm listening to |
| | Rooster - Come get some | ] |
well, at least zhian's having it too. haha.
i think it might overflow anytime soon. cuz im sick, i keep sneezing..
and when i sneeze, blobs of blood (you can feel it, nono, i can feel it) ooze out.
BLAAA. sucks to be me. trying to upload a few photos from the past
(which i never got to see until today) into friendster.
taking eons. BULLSHIT.
now that it works, it is still giving shitass problems. BOOYOUFRIENDSTER.
I AM DYING. i'm losing blood at an increasingly high speed.
i'm having a flu and sore throat. soon i'll just have tonsillitis. YAY, correct spelling of tonsillitis.
*twist aka V pose*
okay i'm officially bored, sick and dying.
goodbye. until next time. |
|
|
| burnt tomatoes. |
[Mar. 31st, 2008||01:18 am] |
sunburnt, roasted to extra crisp.
that's if you wish to eat my very juicy face.
lynnee the pink faced lobster.
oh well, the competition's over,
and as usual,
i can only wallow in self-pity,
telling myself that i didn't do well.
zilch.
lynn, you're a damned loser.
and, meeting up for lil snacks 1 time a week wouldn't kill me.
i hope for more meet-ups like that. =]
i have to set my goals from here and today. i need to achieve something dammit.
1) pass my hair studies exam, theory and practical.
2) top 3 for every single freestyle competition ( i can do it, i just have to prove it ).
i shouldn't bother. i'm losing 10 brain cells each time. i'm really really tired. i need a rest.
theory lesson tmr, school.. is killing me.
convince me, and i will budge. |
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| CATCH ME IF YOU CAN. |
[Mar. 28th, 2008||03:29 pm] |
i hate friendster.
I HATE FRIENDSTER, REALLY.
funny why it keeps showing "Problem Loading Page" or "The connection is being Reset"
when other sites i visit are working perfectly FINE.
i'm one step away from throwing my keyboard on the floor and smashing my monitor.
the internet is NOT trying hard enough to "Try Again".
i'm being dissed reaaaaaaal bad.
i have to refresh the page and 'try again' 30 over times before it finally loads.
what the fug?
tabbed the page like 10 times, just in hope for ONE to load. BASKET!
okay i officially give up on friendster.
PISSED.
when are we going for dinner at hardrock cafe? =\
WHEN?!
my very enthusiastic half wants to go out with you girls.
not for dinner, probably some window-shopping and movie.
btw cat, not alone, kidding. blaaa. i can't comment on friendster, apparently.
I'M GOOD! (i tell myself, which i obviously am WHEN i do things right.)
Micro ROOKIE Comp, 30th March. )=
it's in another 42hours. my oh my, i'm nervous and having cold sweat now.
i always underperform at the WRONG time and that sucks.
the expectations haven't been fulfilled. I NEED TO PROVE MY WORTH THIS TIME.
I NEED TO GET MY PLACING IN THIS COMP. )=
it's not about winning, it's about my drive when skating.
it's not about getting that medal, it's about my worthiness in the team.
it's not about standing on the podium, it's about fulfilling the expectations.
I CAN DO IT, but will i do it correctly this time?
LYNN FU aka LYNNEE, do what you do best when you're out there on the grounds.
as a member of the MOST AWESOME team, prove that you're a good skater,
a down-to-earth person (cuz i am definitely capable of getting the tops. i am the #1 noob!)
and an absolutely kick ass freestyle skater (slider).
wow, i'm so adding pressure. @_@
i can, i will, i must.
LOVE MYSELF.
ohohohh~~ I'M TAKING OVER!!!
=D
我来也!!! |
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| that happens comma(,) |
[Mar. 27th, 2008||02:21 am] |
| [ | i'm being spotted |
| | on my bed already! | ] |
| [ | i feel really |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | i'm listening to |
| | The calling - stigmatized | ] |
when an idiot falls into a pit, can't climb out of it, lives with it, die in it.
oh love what have you done.
often times a rage between two people break out
a deafening silence follows
none are bothered about
by the awkward bye that she swallows
not a word of apology
nor the usual heartwarming phrases
nothing, zilch
wait
and wait
and still, wait.
she tells herself
if you don't give in, she must put up
if she wants to give up, you must give in
rages are much a hassle
hassles like a stiff neck
a stiff neck that happens every night
after you sleep in the morning
wasn't she better
when she slept in the night?
where was mind when cupid struck?
lynn gives up. lynn gives in. lynn puts up. lynn becomes mad. lynn types rubbish. lynn is gonna quit.
lynn doesn't want to do her job of being "I-AM-*NOT-FREE" for you and you and you.
*NOT-FREE = too occupied and busy with little or close to no time (is not related to any terms in the finance area($)).
if i give up on you
i give up on me
if we fight what's true
will we ever be?
I AM BORED. I DON'T FEEL LIKE GOING TO SCHOOL. I THINK I NEED A PUNCHING BAG.
I WANT:
- to drink bird nest SOUP
- get over and done with for the rookie comp (1/2)
- A LOT OF TIME ALONE
- to be a man
- a haversack
- beautiful flawless skin
- to exterminate the ants in my house
- TO BE HIS FRIEND AGAIN
- to cry already
i shat in my own pants and i have to clean it up. someone please kill me.
HAVE A BREAK, HAVE A TIMEOUT. LOLOLOLOLOLS.
CAN I? CAN WE? SHOULD I?
I AM IMPECCABLE!
yes, that's MISS FU for you.
so can i cry now?
uh.. okay. go ahead.
and at the end of the day.
it's not only pins and needles
it's like i'm trying to swallow a freaking 50inch samurai sword.
chinese gay classmate "你的body很 sexy." (your body is very sexy.)
me *laughing in my heart 'HAHAHAHAHA TYTY'*
chinese female classmate "eh, 你会赞赏女人meh?" ( eh, you know how to appreciate females?)
chinese gay classmate " 她的身体曲线是非常均衡 de ma." (her figure is proportionate.)
chinese female classmate "可是你会赞赏女人meh?!" ( but you know how to appreciate females?!)
chinese gay classmater "tsk! 我会赞赏，但是我没有恶意 de." (tsk! i know how to appreciate but i mean no harm.)
yesterday's conversation with peng peng and esther. i was laughing the ass (in my heart) off. lols.
peng peng is a dam cute gay luh! he makes the whole school so much more chirpy. because of him being gay and noisy, he's seen differently in other people's eyes. i feel very bad cuz i hear what they say behind his back that he doesn't. tsk tsk.
well, class is practise, practise.. and more practise. i'm like dying inside. i don't have a companion to slack with me, go for breaks with me, eat lunch and dinner with me.. and.. wait.. companion.. uh whatever. OH WELL. i rot in school cuz the only people to talk to me are 2 malaysian boys - alan and jeff, godmother of alan - phyllis, the teachers and the cute lil 22yo indian girl. and NATURALLY, i communicate with the boys better cuz 1, they are around 2 years older than i am and.. the other girls are.. all.. too gossipy. and they talk about meeeeeee. crap. hate it. have i really been showing too much of my lazy side that they look down on me? should get dressed up soon..
sick of my fucked up face, my laziness and my can't be bothered to dress attitude. and till yesterday i got praised by a gay of having a good figure, i'm seriously dam happy pls. today he also said.. "ta shi wo men toni zui xing gan de nu shen.." (she is our toni most sexy female), i was shocked luh. cuz i looked like a freaking hip hopper today (hint: laugh, HA HA HA), yes, i was wearing a damned hoodie. cuz there's this super high status girl who's around my 2nd sister's age who always runs her eyes across me and gives me the 'you-look-like-a-karang-guni-woman' face thinking she's like AWWW dam pretty. she IS pretty cuz she makes up, bothers to dress up and has better complexion. and she always looks sexy cuz she wears tube dresses, cleavage showing tops, tight pants, girly shoes.. and on and on. and the gay often say to her "WHA jing tian chuan dao zhe mo mei ah!! yao qu na li?" lols. that gay is a very good looking china man okay. he's really very appealing. AND!!! HE LIKES INDIANS. this sounds very familiar. HAHA. so cute luh! oh well. there's school tmr and i'm still on. will try to update as much as possible. =]
LOVELOVELOVE my loves,
cath, anny, sheena.
last but not least, lu. (you really make me REALLY mad. no, i'm not mad about you. i'm mad AT you. ass.)
love INLINECULTURE and 5UNITED! ( moomoo! thanks for steamboat treat if you see this. O_O)
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